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2 In Advice/ Family/ Healing/ Inspiration

Saving Myself through Forgiveness

I still remember just as if it happened yesterday.  I was a young girl innocently sleeping in my beautifully decorated Holly Hobby bedroom.  Life was good.  Not just good, but really good.  I had friends up and down Adams Street, a bike I loved to ride, and Petunia always had a new litter of kittens to dress up like dolls and play with.  To say I was happy was an understatement.

But that night changed everything.  For some reason I woke up with a start.  Not a dream, not a noise, there was nothing I could see…but I could feel an evil presence…lurking in the shadows someone was there.  I lay in bed scared to death.  Scared to move.  Scared to even breath for fear that whoever was hiding would notice I was awake.

I prayed and prayed not knowing what to do.  I could still feel someone in my room and this feeling went on for what seemed like hours.  Inevitably I stirred and turned in my bed, attempting to protect myself under the covers.  That is when he revealed himself.  It was almost as me moving in my bed was invitation for him to come lay beside me.  Even though I knew the man I did not KNOW the man.  Evil presided, the devil was inside him, this was NOT the person I knew.

This was not a dream, this was real, this was the beginning of a horrible nightmare beginning to unfold.  How in this lifetime was I ever able to get over traumatic experiences that seemed to haunt my soul forever?  Unfortunately whether I like it or not, each experience I’ve had has shaped the woman I am today.  However, I will not let abuse define me.  I have thwarted the very fiery darts of Hell and I have won.  I am still alive, I am still trying, I am still pressing forward.

Most importantly I am child of God.  I am a survivor.  My tool for survival?  Forgiveness.  Letting go of the bitter chains of Hell gave me my life back.  Or what pieces of it I could pick up and put together and become whole again.  How did I go about having the strength and courage to forgive?  Faith in the Lord Jesus Christ and His redeeming promises.

I heard at a Fireside last night that Hugh Nibley (famous scriptorium) said in the fifty years of his studies that the most important lessons are simply to Repent and Forgive.  This rang true to me.  You see, I have a testimony of repentance and forgiveness, as these two things have been the key to my very survival.

Now as I think back to that scary and traumatic time in life I can rescue that little girl.  I can run into her bedroom, pull her out of bed, put my arms around her, and tell her that I love her.  You see, through forgiveness the Lord has shown me that all things are possible.  Through the steps of Repentance my perpetrator, who is also a child of God, has been forgiven.  This brings peace to my soul.

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2 Comments

  • Reply
    The Beaded Peacock
    February 20, 2013 at 4:14 pm

    It take great courage to go public with the ugly truth about such a horrible ordeal you had as a child. It takes even more courage to let it go through forgivness and to learn to love again. I commend you for having the courage to do both and for overcoming and not succumbing. Growth can and should be found in even our worst moments. This is when we truly become who we really are…Children of GOD.

  • Reply
    Jan
    February 22, 2013 at 1:47 am

    You are a bigger person than I think I could be. I'm so grateful I never had to face anything like that, and it still makes me angry that it happened to you! I'm thankful that I'm not the one that has to forgive in this instance because I don't think I could. It's not easy seeing what happens to innocent children and the scars that are left to be faced and worked through. One may forgive, but never can actually forget. I think that may also be something that is part of it, so precautions are taken so it never can happen again to you or someone else you love. I'm grateful that you can say you have come to terms with this. It never was your fault. A trust so precious and special was broken and that is beyond sad. Thank goodness your Heavenly Father is always there for you and the knowledge that He will always cradle you in His care and wrap around you unconditional love!!

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