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Preventing Bridezilla

{Tongue in cheek} See my beautiful sweet daughter? There’s no way she could become a Bridezilla. Never. It just isn’t in her being. She embraces the very essence of grace, gratitude, and politeness.
These may be the very things you are thinking about when you imagine your daughter along this journey of getting married. But do not fool yourself, mom.
I know you’ve seen it, that RBF {resting bitch face} of hers. The one you’ve secretly always hoped would never turn on you.

See your daughter with her eyes of steel? Watch out because that beautiful face and those eyes are secretly loaded and can start firing darts at any given moment. Moreover, those gorgeous full lips can start giving a lot of sass!

I’m warning you ahead of time to put on some BA {Bridezilla Armor, not to be confused with becoming a Bad Ass, although that doesn’t hurt either}. Be prepared to dig deep in your mind vault and remember some of those psychology college courses you took ages ago. Be prepped to be so nice there would never be a reason for her to turn on you. Because Bridezilla IS COMING and “Hell hath no fury” like a bride scorned.

{Okay, I THINK I’m done with the swearing}.

Now that we have established that the most perfect person in the world, the very girl that you carried nine straight months in your womb, the sweet daughter that without you would not even be born, will most likely turn on you and get down right mean… the question is how can you prevent this? 

Act Your Age. By this I mean, don’t be the mom who acts 12. Remember you are an adult and adults behave a certain way. The last thing you want to do is become petty, silly, selfish, jealous, hold grudges, or any of those attributes that you should have outgrown by now. Believe me any of these things in play will feed Bridezilla the ammunition for a horrible experience.

Be A Team, Be Equals, Be her Friend. At some point in your Mother/Daughter relationship there is a switch from becoming the one who tells her yes and no, or you should do this or that…too becoming her equal. You are both adults now. She will always love and respect you, but morph over into the friend zone with your daughter. Be her good friend that wants to help her out. Do all the fun friend things, have the luncheons, the phone conversations, and shopping trips. Laugh, love, and work together with one purpose.

Be Kind. Kindness goes a long way. The most kind thing you can do is to never talk negatively about her to anyone. Things like that always come back to bite. Remember to act your age. If there is a problem or situation that develops go straight to the source. If she is the source then have a grown up conversation and understand her side of things. Again, be a friend. Hold your tongue and don’t say any negative things you may be thinking. Remember words can’t be taken back. If the vibe one day is unfavorable then flip it around and use kindness and positivity to make it a good day.

Have a Sense of Humor. Instead of feeding on stress laugh about things. When things are brought up see it for what it is and make light of the light things. Laugh at yourself when you do something silly. Make her laugh. Laughter is so healing and a good sense of humor goes a LONG way.

Be Patient. You’ll need to armor yourself with loads of patience. Use it daily and in large doses. There is a good chance that she will want to change her mind a few times on how she wants to decorate, on the wedding dress she now doesn’t want to purchase {even though she was so certain yesterday}, or what she wants the cake to look like. All of these things go through a refining fire that eventually molds into what will “really” happen. Be patient with her. Remember this is her wedding, not yours, and that you want this to be the wedding of her dreams. Give her liberties to make changes where there is time to do so. As things get closer and the clock is running out everything will streamline and fall into place.

Carry Her Burden. In the beginning the Bride will want control over everything. This is normal. Weddings are very personal and she will not want to let go of any of those details. But she will soon learn as time passes that holding onto every detail is a huge burden to carry. This is where mom can step in and literally carry her burdens. I was excited when this finally happened to us.

Sabryna wanted a certain vibe and look to her wedding and often was undecided on the decor. She worried that things may not look good and that it might turn out the way she envisioned. I kept asking her “Do you trust me?” She would say “Yes”. I would reply, “Then just let me run with it”. She would worry and not want to hand things over. She would text me Pins that she liked, ideas that she loved, and I knew what look she was trying to achieve. It was just too much of a burden for her to carry, to do it all and play such a daily active roll. She was dealing with working full-time, getting to know a new extended family, and somehow finding time for the groom!

Finally with about three months left to pull everything together she visited with me and said, “I’m turning everything over to you, I trust you, and I know that you will make good final decisions.” This was the turning point for us, it was exactly what I had long been waiting for. But I had to wait for it to be HER DECISION. It is certainly not something a mom can force. As soon as she suggested it, without looking back, I RAN WITH IT. I took that burden from her and had a blast finishing all of the details, just as she had envisioned.

Do It Her Way. The golden rule is THIS IS NOT YOUR WEDDING. After you have been given control of certain aspects of the wedding make sure to be kind and run things by her, especially if it veers off from her expectations. She may not like your ideas and do not be personally offended by this. Remember she is a younger and you, quite frankly, may just not know what is trending and what looks good anymore {sorry mom it’s the truth}.

Love Her. Remember that this journey is one that you two can bond together as friends and you can look back on for years to come. Make it as good of a journey that you can and you will not have any regrets. Loving her regardless of things she may say or do and holding nothing against her is your best tool. You may not be able to prevent Bridezilla completely from coming out, but you hold a lot of power in your hands with the way you respond. A wedding only happens once and is a memory that lasts a lifetime. Make it a happy one.

 

 Helping Sabryna into her gown on her Wedding day.
Read other articles in this series:
Planning Your Daughters Wedding: “Where to Begin”.
Planning Your Daughter’s Wedding: The Details
Planning Your Daughter’s Wedding: The Bridal Party
Planning Your Daughter’s Wedding: The Wedding Dress
Planning Your Daughter’s Wedding: Picking A Venue
Planning Your Daughter’s Wedding: Preventing Bridezilla
Planning Your Daughter’s Wedding: The Wedding Cake
Visit the Bride’s website here.
 Florals by R Love Floral.
 Stunning photography by Jennefer Wilson.

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