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Dear Best Friend, I will love you forever, but it is time for me to go.

Dear Best Friend,

When I boarded the plane early that rainy day, I knew I would never see you again. It was as if the very skies were crying over the loss of our friendship. I was a wreck, a complete mess, leaving a home I had made for fourteen years. Leaving everyone I knew behind. Leaving you. As the plane taxied down the runway the reality of my choice, to never look back, sunk in and tears started falling. It was hard, really heard, in fact it is one of the toughest things I have ever done, to find the strength to turn away. When the plane left the pavement my thoughts went upwards. I prayed to God for comfort and peace. I asked, no I begged, that He would only bring new friends into my life who would uplift, edify, and support me. Friends who would not take more than they gave. Friends who were positive, happy, and loved life. Friends who didn’t gossip and who weren’t mean, ugly, and angry at the world. For a friend, I am sad to say, who was not like you.

You probably didn’t even realize my choice because that last week you were so mean and nasty. The phone call and message you left sealed the deal. How you could yell at me, call me names, and literally destroy me over something so trifle I will never understand. The time to hold my ground and not be taken advantage of was long over due. I am not quite sure how you justified treating me so badly time and time again, or why I forgave you time and time again. The wonderful thing is that I knew, by leaving, that this would be the last time I would ever have to forgive you.

The two of us, we have had some good times too. Painting projects together, shopping, lunches, and laughing so hard we peed our pants. Taking our kids on trips together, staying in the beach house, and bonfires in the sand. Your sense of humor when paired with mine was a sight to behold. How we could finish each others sentences, how during those times we were meant to be friends.

Even though this choice is difficult, I know it is the right thing to do. However, at the same time, I hope that it doesn’t hurt you. In fact, I wish so much for you. My wish for you is that you find happiness. That this happiness is contagious and spreads through every single facet of your life. That you will find a positive outlook on life and notice the amazing, inspiring, and miraculous glory which it offers. I pray that you will find the courage and strength to use your many talents and live your dreams. I hope that you have the courage to rise above the drudgery of petty gossip, jealousy, and pulling others down. I hope you see that you are so much better than that. I hope that you will realize that you are enough. I hope you will learn to love you.

I want to thank you. Thank you for being my friend, I know I am far from perfect too. Thank you for showing me and helping me realize that there is a different way. For helping me find personal strength within me. Strength to move on and to do things differently. Thank you for helping me grow in so many ways. Thank you for showing me that to find happiness I have to live with intention and fill my life up with positivity, hope, and love. I thank you for the hard times and what we went through because it truly helped me find myself and showed me who I truly am. It helped me see how much I want others to be happy too.

Dear best friend, I will love you forever, but this is why it is time for me to go.

UPDATE: I wrote this letter to one of my best and dearest friends over four years ago. Setting up boundaries for a friendship that was so extreme {from one end of the spectrum to the other} was the best thing I ever did. We still talk a couple of times a year, but I have to say that distance has been good. I still love and care for her and wish her the best. I never know how she truly feels towards me, but I can only hope it is the same. Doing the right thing is never easy. It was rough the first few months, however, walking away from this intense and often times toxic friendship was one of the best things I ever did for myself and for my family. I am happy to report that God answered my prayers and I found the most wonderful friends when I moved. In fact, these friends have been such a blessing in my life that I feel it was one of the very reasons we did move, so I could have friends who loved me, were happy for me, and truly wanted to see me succeed. This change enabled me to start my own journey forward into living my dreams. I am forever grateful and feel blessed for the life lessons learned. Especially for the realization of how a trial moulds you into a better person and how God puts them in our lives so we can reach for better.

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