I often find myself thinking “after I get through this trial then life will be perfect.” When the trial finally ends and I feel like I can take a deep breath and relax a bit, something else will happen. People often say it, but I have always been one to deny that life isn’t fair. You reap what you sow, karma, what happens is meant to be–all those rationalizations which become bandaids during hard times. However, recently I have come to the realization that this just may be the case. Life is unfair.
Recently our family went through a very long and hard trail. After much fasting, prayer, struggling, and a move across many states into a new area, the last thing I expected was another trial to march its way into my life. This new one seems quite possibly the worst yet, perhaps because of the timing. Probably because I expected everything to be superb. But the sting of feeling undeserving of this situation seems to hurt the worst.
I began questioning everything. I know, without a shadow of a doubt, the confirmations received that we were to uproot our lives and move. We prayerfully took steps, treading ever so carefully, making certain that each decision made was in fact meant to be. If this is the case then why is it that we are not blissfully living a wonderful little life of relishing in blessings from choosing the correct path? I mean, we have done everything we have been told to do. We are far from perfect, but we try to live an honest and good life. Why would He give us inspiration to do something, only to set the stage for a new trial? The other day I was led to these scriptures in Ether 2 and they brought me peace.
Some days I feel as if I have been encapsulated in a vessel with no windows. Life has tossed me around while “mountain waves” have dashed upon me. Sometimes I’ve felt like I may drown. Other times I have been weary. But through it all I continue to hang onto hope.
Many days I feel as though I have been left in the dark. The only way I have been able to find light is through prayer and faith. I find myself wishing that I had a window to help navigate through these trials. If I had a window to see into the future I could quickly discover the easiest way to get where I wanted to be. This window would let a constant stream of light into my life. It would be much easier. I wouldn’t have to work as hard.
But the Lord says, “ye cannot have windows, for they will be dashed in pieces”. He also says, “ye shall not go by the light of fire”.
Perhaps even with a window and seeing where I was going I would make a wrong turn, going the seemingly easy route. With the use of earthly elements and means surely I would go astray. Perhaps it is part of the plan to be tossed around? Because without constantly relying on Him I would not be as strong, ultimately being dashed into pieces. Without the power of prayer and trial of my faith the Lord wouldn’t be able to strengthen me and prepare me “against the waves of the sea and the floods which shall come”.
So today I see clearly, even without windows. Even without fire.
I certainly cannot see into the future, but I can feel it. I feel it in my prayers, I feel it in the strength I receive from Him as I navigate down the often times turbulent trials of life. I know everything will be okay. I know that the Lord does not want me to suffer through this life in darkness. Because of this He has given me His light, but I have to use it, I cannot give up.
Walking forward in blind faith is the hardest thing to do, but when acting on faith, it becomes the brightest light of all. A light where windows and earthly flames are not necessary. He promises, “I will bring you up again out of the depths of the sea; for the winds have gone forth out of my mouth, and also the rains and the floods have I sent forth. And behold I prepare you against these things”.
Knowing this, I realize that these trials are for my good. They are for strengthening me, moulding, and refining me into what He wants me to be. I’m not sure how this particular trial will end or what road it will lead me down, but I know in the end it will all work out. Life may not be fair and I know I have not deserved many of the hardships that have been pressed upon me. So today I continue to walk in faith, knowing that through Him I will be prepared against all things, and that the light of the Lord will see me through.